It's 'Notworking': The Problem with Modern Networking
Why Networking is Not Working
Lack of Genuine Relationships
Misalignment of Goals and Values
Inability to Follow Up Meaningfully
Overwhelming Amount of Contacts with Minimal Depth
Networking is often hailed as essential for professional success, but what if it sometimes feels more like 'not working'? The term 'notworking' highlights the inefficiencies and discomfort that can come with traditional networking methods, revealing a significant problem in how we build professional relationships.
For decades, professionals have been bombarded with pedestrian advice about networking. "It's not who you know, it's who knows you," they say. "Get out there, shake hands, and kiss babies." However, these outdated strategies often lead to highly transactional interactions that feel more like a sales pitch than genuine relationship-building.
Think about the typical networking scene: professionals desperately dispensing business cards like grocery store coupons at a chamber of commerce event. It's an "icky" experience that reeks of insincerity—more snake oil than substance.
This approach to professional connections is riddled with myths and misconceptions. We're told to work the room, press the flesh, and collect as many contacts as possible. But is this really the most effective way to build meaningful professional relationships?
Let's explore why traditional networking often falls short and how we can transform these superficial interactions into valuable connections that truly benefit our careers and personal growth.
Traditional networking is failing us because it doesn't create real connections. When I attend these events, I see a room full of people who don't know why they're there. They're just following the advice to "network" without any real strategy or purpose.
This lack of intention shows in their interactions. They're superficial, rushed, and often painfully awkward. You can't build a meaningful relationship in a two-minute conversation about the weather while eyeing the room for someone "more important" to talk to.
I've started attending these events almost as an anthropologist would, observing the behaviors around me. What I see is concerning: people interrupting each other, talking with mouths full of food, and dispensing business cards like they're handing out flyers on a street corner.
The worst offense? When someone asks you a question, then scans the room while you're answering, clearly looking for their next target. It's not just rude; it's a clear sign that no real connection is being made.
This approach to networking is counterproductive. It wastes time, energy, and opportunities. We need to shift our focus from collecting contacts to building relationships. Quality over quantity. Depth over breadth. That's where the real value lies.
One of the biggest issues I see in networking is a fundamental misalignment between what people are doing and what they actually need. Most folks show up to these events without a clue about why they're there. They're just following the herd, thinking, "I should network because that's what successful people do."
Every event you attend should have a purpose that aligns with your professional goals. There are really only two good reasons to go to any gathering: content and community. Either you're there to learn something valuable, or you're there to meet people who can help you grow professionally (or ideally, both).
One of the biggest pitfalls in networking is the follow-up, or rather, the lack thereof. People go to networking events, collect a stack of business cards, and then... nothing. Those potentially valuable connections just gather dust in a drawer or get lost in the digital abyss of your contact list.
Why does this happen? Because traditional networking encourages quantity over quality. You're told to "work the room," meet as many people as possible, and collect those cards like they're Pokemon. But if you can't follow up meaningfully, those contacts are worthless.
I've developed a strategy to combat this. If I attend an evening event, I deliberately keep my next morning free. This allows me to follow up immediately, either that night or first thing the next day. I'll send a personalized message referencing our conversation and suggesting a next step. It's simple, but it's effective.
How do you know which connections are worth following up on? This is where quality trumps quantity. I go into every event with a few strategic questions in my back pocket. These aren't your standard "What do you do?". I'm talking about questions that quickly reveal whether this person aligns with my goals and values.
For example, I might ask, "What attracted you to tonight's content?" If they can't give me a thoughtful answer, that tells me they're not intentional about their networking. Or I'll ask, "How is this topic relevant to your work?" If they can't make that connection, we probably don't have much to discuss.
These questions serve as a filter. They help me identify the handful of people at any event who are worth my time for a follow-up. It's all about being efficient and effective.